I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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