I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Who died my cat blue again?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
