He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
