She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
