I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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