I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
