I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
