then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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