i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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