Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
