is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just found puke in my bra..
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
