I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
