...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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