I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
