I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
