She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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