You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
