Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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