3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
