High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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