Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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