She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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