Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
