Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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