apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
