dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
