I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
