true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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