seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
