i just had sex bonerless
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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