i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
