New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
