I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
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Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
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Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm way too hungover for life right now
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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