if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
