Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Randomize
