I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
