He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
