babies were throwing up all over the place
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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