hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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