Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
