You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
