Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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