I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize