i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
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I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
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I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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