Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
