just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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