At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I need moral support for this bender
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
