A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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