I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
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