i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My ATM looks so different sober.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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