we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
