i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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