Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize