apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize