we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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