Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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