I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize