I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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