I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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