True but thats because hes a fetus.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
