trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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