i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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