Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We were destined to go to rehab together
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
