im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
